Thursday, May 5, 2011

Starting Over

It seems like such a long time since I've written anything. I have been so busy with things that I haven't taken the time to share my thoughts with anyone. Mostly, it's because I wish I had something witty to say.

I have been seperated from my husband for seven months. I'd be lying if I said it was easy. He's moved on and in a new relationship before I have even had a chance to go on one date, but I know that patience is needed, and I can't rush things. So many women rush back into love only to find themselves in love again with the same person who broke their hearts in the first place.

I work two jobs and am lucky to have a support system where I don't need to pay for childcare. My rent is on time, I have food on my table and I know I have much to be grateful for. There are so many people in the world that truly have to suffer.

I have regrets and the biggest one is not having left first and sooner. I am nearly thirty five years old, and I feel like a twenty year old fresh out of school with her first apartment, except that I have a third grader and a two year old to take care of!

I look back on these last twelve years and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I never had met my husband. Would I be happier? There is no guarantee of that. Maybe I wouldn't have children, or even have met someone else. I need to understand that I am right where I am suposed to be right now and look to the future.

If I am lucky I could live another fifty or more years. Each moment of regret steals a moment of peace and happiness from my heart. I can't change the past, but my future is not set in stone just yet. For my children and for me, I need to look forward. I've dreamt one dream for so long and maybe it's time to start having some new ones.


  1. I had been wondering what you were up to. Didn't realize you changed your twitter handle and now just read this. Wow! I hope that this is the start of something great for you and yours. One day at time. And don't stop writing!

  2. It sooooo easy for the guys to "be in a new relationship" so quick. I mean, they have no kids to worry about... no babysitters to secure before going out... I mean, a ton of stuff. Have pity on his new love interest... he won't treat her any better than he treated you. You go, girl. Raise those kids right & concentrate on them. They're your priority right now. Somebody needs to make the kids their priority & I'm venturing a guess you've been drafted, like it or not.

    Peace~ Andrea