Thursday, May 13, 2010

900 Calorie Artificial Love

I admit it. I eat when I am happy. I also eat when I am nervous. I eat when I am bored. I eat when I am lonely. I don't eat when I am depressed. But that's only when I am really depressed.Like listen to Death Cab for Cutie plus black eyeliner depressed. This can be a problem when one doesn't listen to fullness signals. I don't really care that Im full. I use food to create something I feel I need, usually missing affection or attention.

It occurs to me that food provides a very shallow level of comfort. I'm not saying nourishing food has no place, and we need food for our body to run properly. But would we put water in our car? Or expect the lawn mower to run if we filled it with fruit punch? It's kind of similar to the way myself and alot of people treat food. Yes twinkies are delicious! Chocolate is yummy, but we can't expect our bodies to run properly if all that is going in them.

When I work a nine hour shift at work, I get three breaks, two fifteens and a thirty minute. Every time I have a break, I am in the habit of eating something. This is not so bad in itself. The problem lies with what I get. I mean first break happy hour at Starbucks. Frappacinos are half off so I get the mocha frappacino lite no whip. 140 calories , not so bad. At dinner, I opt for ham on whole wheat and apple slices. Again, so far so good. Then I hit the 8:30 and the poo hits the ceiling fan.

I am craving chocolate. I grab a candy bar that is about the size of a coaster. That doesn't sound too bad. I also because I don't drink soda at home, grab an orange bottle of fanta from the vending machine.

I know the candy bar of choice isn't the best for me. I also know that a bar has 600 calories. I stop myself at half and give the rest away. Well that's a positive step but I just ate like a whole lean cuisine worth of calories...I glance at the soda. It has two servings, so the entire bottle is 270 calories. If I had eaten the entire bar and gulped the entire soda it would have been almost 900 calories, about half of what I'm supposed to be taking in for an entire day.Would that snack sustain me? Was I hungry fifteen minutes later? I think you know the answer to those questions.

The way we treat food also applies to the way we handle life too. I've had releationships where there wasn't any true nourishment of my soul. I went for the pretty packaging instead of someone who cared about me and my well being. Junk food doesn't do anything for me in the long run. It makes me hungry later. It fills my body with empty calories. We should nourish our bodies the same way we nourish the other relationships in our lives. Relationships should be caring. Love shouldn't have to hurt. My love of food shouldn't have to hurt either. The foods I put into my body cause me pain. I am heavy so sometimes it takes longer for me to do things. I can't play with my kids as much as I should and they suffer.

Love yourself no matter what your size. You are beautiful in your life just where you are, but understand that health is a big issue.When I eat dessert I need to ask myself what that food is doing for me and my body. Will it sustain me? That 900 calorie snack was artificial love. It did nothing for me in the long run. I will try to make more conscious decision to love my body more than that. Oh btw that orange soda went down the sink. I celebrate the small victories.